Going Forwards

Thank you, Sari.

So hopefully you could get a sense of, you know, what you've put into the time here and to your practice, and hopefully you could get a sense of really appreciating that. It's really, really important to have that sense of appreciation, almost independent of how you assess the results from the perspective of the mind state right now. The mind state, with the hindrances, not hindrances, and we judge this or that, how it's going, how I am, how my practice is, etc., success, failure. But just independent of that, to really be able to appreciate the efforts, and the dedication, and the consistency.

So I know, certainly, as Robert said before he left, and Kirsten before she went on retreat, and Sari and I -- we really, really appreciate what you've put into your practice and the efforts you've made, your willingness to work and play, your love of exploration, all that. And I hope that you have got a little taste, a little sense of the beauty of this kind of practice, and a little sense perhaps of its possibilities, the possibilities here, and the kind of art and magic that can be involved. I think, I know at least some of you have that sense. So I hope you got a little taste of the loveliness, and I know that, for everyone, it will have been difficult, and it has been difficult and challenging in lots of different ways at times. And that's also part of what we need to appreciate in ourselves: our willingness to just keep showing up, and keep working and playing when it's difficult in all these different ways. And we've talked about the difficulties that come when we have a desire or desires, an aim, a goal, a direction; the difficulties that come when we want to stay steady with a certain intention, over not just an hour, but over days and weeks and then years or whatever. The inner critic, the self, you know, the propensity in our culture for self-measurement, self-judgment -- this is all part of the difficult terrain that we have to kind of somehow navigate, somehow relate to wisely with these kinds of practices. So really, thank you for all of that. It involves a lot, you know? It's a big deal.

[3:56] So transitioning out of the retreat -- you know, you've all done lots of retreats before -- is a little bit different, this retreat. It's different than, say, some retreats where you've really closed the senses, and you're really looking, really narrowing down to a microscopic attention. Usually, the transition from that kind of retreat is quite, can be quite jarring -- needs a lot of care, and if you've been really slowing down, etc. But here, because we've had this emphasis on more openness of awareness, more inclusion of appreciation in the senses, that sort of trauma of sudden sense stimulation is usually not such an issue on this retreat. It shouldn't be such an issue. What may be asking for a little more care is the heart. Again, on this kind of retreat, the heart becomes very open, very sensitive in lovely ways, and so that needs some care as you move, take your journeys home, wherever you're going, as you encounter friends and family again, as you move through the coming days. Do you know, do we know how to take care of our heart? And what does that really mean? That's a huge subject. What does it mean to take care of the sensitive heart?

Actually, I don't know -- how was breakfast for you with the ... [laughs] Were some of you a bit buzzing after that? Maybe. Maybe not. Yeah, it depends, again, on what kind of retreat, but that's quite a lot of sense stimulation -- suddenly talking, and the roomful of people talking, probably a lot of energy gathered over three weeks, etc., and quite loud. So what does that kind of buzz need, if there is such a thing? And in terms of the caring for the heart, you know, when you go wherever you're going, caring, caring for the heart, caring for your relationships, the relationships with the people in your life, and your loved ones, which means also caring about what you share, or how you share, or when you share, and with whom. So you might be super excited about what you've uncovered, discovered, or you might just want to vent after the retreat or whatever it is, but who am I sharing with? And is it the right moment? Are they in the right space? Am I in the right space? Why am I sharing? What am I looking for here? So of course, sharing's really, really important, but sometimes, like everything, we need to be attuned, because if it's not the right time for this person, or they're not really a person who's actually that interested, or I'm wanting something, and I'm not fully conscious that I'm wanting something from this sharing, and I'm not clear with the other person, "This is what I want," "When I share, I would like you to listen this way," or "I would like this kind of interest or that kind of interest," or whatever it is. That's also, you know, to care for that, which means to enter into that with awareness, responsiveness, attunement. This is also really, really important in terms of caring for the heart.

So hopefully everyone's going back to a full and engaged life of practice, both informally and formally, in terms of daily practice. So this is mostly what I want to talk about now. I feel that most people do better if they have periods in their life where they've kind of decided to explore a certain practice or a certain element of a practice. So just as we have here -- we're doing jhānas, and we talked about a playground and all that. This could apply to any practice. So you could go home now and decide, "Well, actually, I want to do mettā practice," or whatever it is. But just the idea of having a period -- a week, a month, six weeks, three months, whatever it is -- some delineated period where I'm intending to explore this in my daily sitting, perhaps also in my informal practice off the cushion, and I have a playground. And then after that period is finished, after a week or whatever, then I review: "Oh, I'm really learning a lot. I want to keep going. I'll do another week or another month" or whatever it is, or "That was good, but I want to do something else now," and then you set another period. Again, the intention is steady, and there's a playground, a learning playground. Not everyone, but I tend to feel that people learn and develop much, much better that way. And within that, within the playground, there needs to be creativity, experimentation, playfulness. You need to actually play in practice. So with the steady intention, with the playground, then I just have fun, and I try this and I try that, and I'm doing different things -- a lot of them really small, small little things. So this applies to all practice. We've talked about it a lot on this retreat in terms of jhānas, but actually it applies to all practices.

Oftentimes people find, "I sort of only really make progress on retreat, and outside of retreat, I'm just kind of treading water. I'm just kind of putting my time in in the practice, just kind of ... or maybe even falling apart." And usually it's because they're not allowing themselves to play. They're not allowing -- I'm not allowing myself to be creative within this steady intention and playground. And, of course, it dries up -- there's no juice there. There's no creative, playful input. So we can think of, and I think it's a really good idea to think of the kind of different practice -- I don't know -- streams. A lot of stuff comes up in our lives, at home and at work and whatever. And sometimes, it can be just like, "Oh, this has come up, and now this has come up," and so, "Pff! Okay, this is what I'm trying to deal with, this is what I'm trying to sit with, this is what I'm trying to meet," and there's a place for all that. But we could also have this idea that, "Now, this is what I'm exploring. I'm exploring this practice. I'm exploring that practice," and then this or that comes up at work, or in relationship, or whatever, and because I'm exploring this practice right now, then that suggests certain ways of working with what's coming up, as opposed to "I'm just putting time into sitting," and then kind of trying to cope with what comes up in my life. So just as on this retreat, we had a certain preference in terms of how we would work with emotions, right? If it was a different retreat, if it was a retreat about emotions, that preference would be reversed, and we would be doing lots of different things. But the practice determines how I am with what comes up.

[11:20] So if we think of different practice streams, you know, you've got the whole insight ways of looking thing, you've got samādhi and jhāna practice, you've got Soulmaking Dharma, you've got brahmavihāras, you've got emotions, emotional awareness, emotional skill, the whole realm of psychology, and inquiring, and being skilful with one's psychology. One could take just the element, some of the elements of Right Speech, and have periods where I'm just exploring the expression of what is difficult, of what is hard for someone to hear, and that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm most interested in in the next few weeks. Or I'm exploring generosity. Having a theme and really, really exploring that. There are many, many possibilities -- the four foundations of mindfulness, or one foundation of mindfulness. Or, if one's going back to a life of activism and engagement, how to really make that practice. That's very hectic and very intense. And within these different streams of practice, we have our different playgrounds. Within jhāna practice, we still have our different playgrounds. Within insight ways of looking, we have the different playgrounds.

Someone was asking, is it possible to explain -- you know, I've talked in the past about skilful fabrication, and now we're talking about unfabricating, and what's the relationship between those two, and then what's the relationship between those two and jhāna practice, and emptiness, and soulmaking? And I've talked about that elsewhere. It's complex, but it's really, really important to understand. I think for now what might be important is just to think in terms of these different streams of practice, where my playground is, and listening and reading in collaboration with whatever my playground is, so that, in time, I begin to understand more the conceptual frameworks of each practice, and how each relates to the other, etc. Then we can have a big maṇḍala of different practices, and it fits, like a maṇḍala, it fits very coherently together to make something very beautiful.

So it might be periods, for example, jhāna practice, and you might feel after this retreat, "Oh, that's what I want to do," but it doesn't have to be. And just to say, as well, if you choose insight ways of looking, if you pick up on this idea and you want to choose something like insight ways of looking, then how much? It's really good to do samādhi practice or brahmavihāra practice in combination with, or to balance out the insight ways of looking. How much, what the ratio is -- whether it's 50/50, or even 80/20, or 20/80, or whatever it is, you can experiment with that. But it also doesn't need to be in the order. Like I said, "First I do my samādhi and calm my mind down and get my focus, and then I do my insight" -- it doesn't have to be that way. "I'm feeling wretched, and restless, and agitated, and pissed off, and confused" -- I could do my samādhi. I could bring an insight way of looking to that, and if it's working, as we've talked about, because there's the release of clinging there, etc., it should calm things down, and then open things up, and then I can go to my samādhi. Really get out of this whole idea of there's an order: "First I prepare my mind with the concentration, then I do my insight." It doesn't, it really doesn't need to work that way.

And of course, if you're choosing different themes, I'll come back to this later, but there's the possibility of working together, making groups, connecting with each other, and having themed groups, where you practise together with a certain theme for a while. Like, for example, Right Speech, or an element of Right Speech, or generosity, and you go out and you play with something in the week with generosity, and you come back, and you compare notes. And you really see, "Wow, the power of that," and you learn from each other. And of course, there may be groups where there is a teacher and things like that. One of the things I hope, before I die, is that I will be able to -- I don't know what the word would be -- but make it clear in these different streams of practice, like who's a sort of qualified teacher in this stream of practice or in that stream of practice. I'm hoping that that will be possible. I've only made very little headway with that, but I'm really hoping that that will be possible, so you can kind of know where to go, if you want to explore this practice or that practice.

In the meantime, though, there is already running an emptiness group online that meets every two weeks, I think.^[1] Sari is teaching with Nathan, and Juha hasn't started yet, because he's been on retreat for three months, but he will be one of the teachers, and Susy Keely, who most of you probably don't know, and Yahel, who's a teacher in Israel. So that exists in the meantime. And very lovely, from what I've heard, and for people who want to explore emptiness, you can learn a lot there and share together and benefit from that. So I think Nathan will put up some info for that on the board afterwards.

[17:27] So just in terms of jhāna practice, the arising of jhāna, or the arising of samādhi, depends on a lot of conditions. A lot of conditions need to come together. It's very, very, very possible off retreat. So it's not something that needs to be confined to retreat. If it is, if you find it's confined to retreat, then the question is, "Why is it confined to retreat?" It's dependent on conditions, okay? Someone asked me, "Do I have to avoid orgasm in order to practise jhāna?" Absolutely not. Where does this idea come from? Or I have to avoid sex, or I have to have a special diet, or something like that. What is it we have to not have? [yogi inaudible in background] Yeah. Entanglement. Entanglement in the hindrances -- it's not even that we need to not have the hindrances; it's entanglement in the hindrances. So 'withdrawn' -- when the Buddha says 'withdrawn' or 'in seclusion' from the hindrances, it means withdrawn from entanglement, not entangled in whatever's going on in my life. That's the condition -- that more than anything else. So it's not that, "Oh, I've got a busy job," or this or that, or whatever, or "relationship's tricky at the moment," it's how much the heart and mind are entangled. That's what makes the difference.

So it's certainly not true that one has to be celibate, or not have sex, or only practise sort of Taoist non-ejaculatory orgasms or whatever it is. There is that teaching out there, and that has its place, and whatever, but sometimes people who are into that get a little bit limited in the view. So whether an orgasm brings energy or depletes energy, again, is dependent on a lot of factors. So we're lay people, and if that's part of your life, you have to really explore this. You know, whether sex and orgasm depletes energy or actually allows energy depends on things like what was the quality of love, what was the quality of soul-connection involved, or how about the openness? That's much more significant, regarding energy, than the fact of orgasm or something, and much more significant in terms of jhānic availability and that sort of thing. And similarly with diet. We can get these ideas. We have to find out for oneself. And I speak as someone who's got an absolutely tormented digestive system for the last thirty-five years or something. Find out for you what works. Just don't buy the theories: "Don't be within 150 metres of a clove of garlic." Find out if it's true for you or not. Sometimes we get -- what's it, the Ayurveda? Sattvic? Is that the ...? [yogi inaudible in background] What's the first one -- the high, the pure one? Sattvic. Yeah. So don't get the sattvic neurosis about all this. Experiment, play, creativity, you know, willingness to play in practice, but also around practice, with stuff like diet and whatever else. It's really, really important.

[21:16] So you can discover a lot, a lot, a lot on your own, a lot about all these kinds of things. And, all being well, the recordings from this retreat should be available sometime, and they should be, I'm hoping they'll be very, very helpful. And helpful now, as soon as you get hold of them, and helpful for, in fact, years to come. There's a tremendous amount of information on them. You may not realize, but it's probably almost impossible to pick up all that information just in this three weeks, in your first listening. A lot of the questions, naturally, you would have, were, in fact, already there, already given out, and it's just too much information. So it's there, and they should be helpful, I hope.

And in terms of samādhi practice, don't forget about things like we had the ... do you remember right on the opening, we did that counting with the breath? It takes a little while to get used to, but for some people it'll be a really potent practice -- really, really useful. It can feel really awkward at first with the long breath and the counting, whatever, but something like that -- really worth developing. So think about all the tools that you might have.

I think one of the lovely things about jhāna practice, especially if we do it this way, where there's a kind of emphasis on marinating and mastery, is that you could go away and not do any retreats for a year, and then come back on retreat, and it's a bit like putting a bookmark in a book and leaving it on a shelf for a year, and you open the book again, and the bookmark is in the same place. Your playground, your edge playground, is pretty much in the same place -- if I've practised in this way that we've emphasized, with the mastery, and the marinating, and the staying, and not just rushed through. So that's a very lovely thing. In other words, you don't need to be in a rush and kind of slightly tight: "I need to keep up my jhāna practice, otherwise next time I'll go on retreat it won't be there." It doesn't need to be like that. There is this kind of mysterious bookmark magic thing as well.

But I hope, too, you know, we've talked about -- it was clear that it was really important to talk about other, larger questions: meta-questions about desire, for example, and the relationships with desire, and what goes on for us with desire, and what's included in my desire, and what exactly are my desires; meta-questions about desire and about conceptual frameworks. I hope that you're beginning to realize that these things are important, and that those questions become actually part of your practice -- the exploring of the relationship with desire, the exploring of the relationship with conceptual frameworks, and the exploring of conceptual frameworks. So even understanding that conceptual frameworks are important to understand, that's already something that's really, really major. Huge. I think I've already said, but without it, without a conceptual framework, dramatic experiences can just be like, there's a "Wow!", but they don't actually liberate very much, or they're not very transformative. They're not very helpful. They're not as opening as they could be. It's the conceptual framework that gives power to the experience. Or it may be, without a conceptual framework, or with a conceptual framework that isn't quite coherent, or that's a bit kind of incongruent, it doesn't really fit together with itself, or it doesn't fit together with the way I'm practising, this can just actually create confusion or a kind of myopia in practice, where one's just looking at the experience that I've just had, and is sort of a bit mesmerized by the experience, but it doesn't really reach out and spread its effect in the life. Or, even more problematic, there can be, because of that, a kind of narrowing of what our practice is. Sometimes I have known people doing the same practice for twenty years. Why? Because there are no conceptual frameworks, and even they're not quite sure how that practice fits in with the rest of the Dharma or other practices. So the whole Dharma can shrink, and the whole sense of what practice is can shrink.

So I really hope you feel that you've learnt not just about samādhi and jhānas and that sort of thing, but also about desire, and your patterns with desire, and having goals and an aim and a direction, and staying steady with intention. All that stuff mirrors our life. So whatever we've bumped into here around desire, around feeling confined in a certain intention -- "I want to do this, I want to do that," feeling restless within it -- whatever patterns around that, whatever problems we experience when we set a goal or an aim, or a fear of doing so, all that, on retreat, it just mirrors life. Same, the same thing. Inner critic, the difficulty to sustain, you know, singleness of intention, the wobbling, the ambivalence: "Am I in the right place? Am I doing the right thing? I should be somewhere else." The doubt, the hindrances becoming papañca, and then becoming so convincing -- this is life stuff; it's not just retreat stuff, meditative stuff. It's life stuff. Feeling imprisoned in a form, in an intention, in a group, in a relationship -- this is life stuff, all of that. So, you know, I hope that you -- because we've talked about it, we kept returning to this -- I hope that you can really see that these elements are really, really important sort of meta-elements in relation to practice, but, of course, in relation to our life. Of course. And as I said several times on retreat, they may end up being much more important than whether I attain this or that jhāna -- how I am with these things, what I learn with these things.

[28:02] So, there are all kinds of streams of practice, and within that there are different playgrounds that one might have. As I said, there are groups, and sometimes, really, we learn better with each other. Then we might find a group where there's a teacher or teachers or whatever, and that's great, but also peer groups, you know, working together, as I mentioned before. I was thinking about this -- I'm not sure if jhāna practice would work so well as a peer group. Maybe it would. I'm not sure, but my sense is it might be a little more tricky with people being in different places, or progressing at very different rates or whatever -- again, because of lots of different conditions. But it might. Something to find out. Something like emptiness, or studying emptiness, or soulmaking, for example, may work much better in terms of Saṅgha groups together, study groups, practice groups together, peer groups together. And it might be that jhāna practice is more of a solitary endeavour. I don't know, but if you want to experiment, find out.

But again, it's interesting with regard to groups, because, as we stressed so much, about the necessity of clarity with regard to, "What is the precise mix of my desires?" So for my practice, for my life, for this retreat, or for a group that I go to, that I form or I'm part of -- what exactly am I wanting? What are the confluences of my desires and my intentions? So on a soulmaking retreat, for example -- many of you have been on soulmaking retreats; some of you have been on soulmaking retreats -- you know, there's lots of dyad practice or triad practice, relational practice in the retreat, lots of sharing of images and experiences, lots of intimacy that way, lots of relational practice. But then very easily it might be that, of course, one feels very touched by that sharing and by that intimacy, and without realizing it ... You go and form a soulmaking group. "Oh, let's form a soulmaking group together." But actually, I'm not careful. I'm looking, "Oh, actually my desire is really for the sharing and the Saṅgha primarily, and less for the soulmaking. What I really want is the sharing and the Saṅgha," which is a fantastic desire. It's a really, really important desire. "I want connection. I want intimacy with other practitioners. I want that sharing." But if I've set up or going to a soulmaking group, and actually without realizing it, and without the others realizing it, I'm actually wanting Saṅgha primarily (I might still want soulmaking -- maybe it's just secondary), then, because of the importance of what I actually desire, because of the determinative effect of what I actually desire in the mix, the soulmaking will not blossom so well, because I'm actually coming at it wanting something else.

So groups can fall apart. I've seen groups trying to set up, trying to set up, not really happening, not really happening -- what's happening? People are not clear about what they're going for, and so it's not really getting off the ground. Or you set up a group about a certain theme, and it somehow just becomes a general Dharma group or a general, "Let's just sit together, because it's nice to sit together, and then we'll kind of share about whatever." All of that's great. If that's clear, then that can be the primary intention. The point, the larger point, which I've said so many times on this retreat now, is about the importance of being aware of what my intention is, because that will determine what unfolds.

So if some people are in the group wanting soulmaking, for example, and some people are just wanting Saṅgha, or primarily wanting Saṅgha, that group is going to be frustrating -- probably for both, but certainly for the people wanting the soulmaking. As for just staying with that idea of soulmaking, it's certainly true that soulmaking practices will build and grow the sense of Saṅgha -- absolutely they will, for sure they will, because of all that lovely intimacy and sharing. But it's the primacy of intention and our intentions and desires, and what they are, the primacy of that in determining what's possible and what unfolds in a group. Or again, it could be that we have a group, or even just my Dharma practice, and the intention is, "Oh, it's because I want to kind of rectify my energy problems or my energy constrictions," or "I want to heal my energy blocks," and not whatever the group was set up for -- Soulmaking Dharma, or this or that, or even just Dharma in general. And again, that lack of clarity or lack of honesty about what the intentions are will have an effect. Same, same issues.

[33:43] So this is all stuff to think about going forward. It's all, I feel, really important stuff. But let's end now. I wanted to say thank you to my three helpers. So I see Nic here and Laurence, but I don't know if Lea is here ...? [inaudible in background] She's not here. Thank you to Nic, and Laurence, and Lea, who's not here, because I certainly wouldn't have been able to get here every day. [laughs] We wouldn't have been able to do this without you guys, so it's really hugely appreciated. And thank you to Sari, and to Kirsten, and to Robert, who's left -- again, just so valuable, your help and your input, and being there and working together. It couldn't have happened without you guys.

[34:57, dedicating the merit begins]

Okay. Let's just take a moment to dedicate our practice together. So just as Sari led us beautifully before, see if you can open to connect with a sense of appreciation for your efforts. Just bypassing the whole question of success/failure, and how well you practised, or what you achieved. It's actually impossible to know quite what the fruits of our practice are and will be as time unfolds, as conditions meet other conditions, as what has ripened and matured and been worked on here ripples out into the world in so many different ways. It's impossible to know what the fruits are. It's impossible to assess, measure or judge that.

Know that you have shown up. Know that you have been willing, repeatedly, to work through the difficult, through the challenging, through the lovely, that you've been curious. Can you see in that the beauty of your intention? Over and over, the beauty of your intentions, countless moments of intention. Countless, countless. Rain into the sea -- all those raindrops of beautiful intention, of willingness, of courage, dignity, nobility, effort, wisdom, responsiveness.

All that makes karma. It has effects we don't know. We cannot know all the effects. In the wide, wild mystery of things, we cannot know the course of all that water, all the ripplings out, but somehow, in the mystery of interconnectedness, in the mystery of dependent arising, may the goodness and beauty of our intention, of our work, of our efforts, may it be for the benefit of those near and dear to us, those who are close to us in life. May it ripple out to touch them, to bless them, perhaps in obvious ways, perhaps in not obvious ways. May they receive the fruits and the blessings of our practice.

And all those beings whom we don't really know, but whom we encounter in our everyday movements in the world, living their lives, struggling as we do with body, with mind, with relationship -- we don't know them; brief encounters here and there -- somehow, may they, too, receive the blessings and the fruits of our practice.

For all beings we will never meet face to face, we will never encounter directly, and again, somehow, perhaps in obvious, direct ways, somehow in the mystery of things, in not-so-obvious ways, in indirect ways, may they, too, be touched, be blessed by the goodness and beauty of our intention. May they receive the blessings and the fruits of our practice.

For those whose lives are caught up in war, living in fear, not in safety, may they receive the fruits and blessings of our practice. For those tormented in mind and heart, not at ease, may they receive the fruits and blessings of our practice. And those in the world living in areas of famine, of shortage, of scarcity, may they receive the fruits and the blessings of our practice. And for all those beings, human and non-human, whose lives have become hounded by ecological devastation, who have to flee their homes, their homelands, may our practice be of benefit, be of support.

May all beings, everywhere, without exception, receive the fruits and the blessings of our practice.

[47:30, dedicating the merit ends]

Okay, so thank you, again. Go safely, wherever you're going, and practise with intelligence, with playfulness, with love, and with enjoyment.

[inaudible in background] Sari and me blow out the candles? Sure. Like birthday? [laughter] I hope I'm getting a cake. [laughter, blowing out candles, applause]

---

1. "Emptiness Drop In Group," https://dependentorigination.org/group/, accessed 22 Feb. 2020. ↩︎